译文示例:北语翻译赛汉译英 “中国的士大夫与民本思想”

第一部分:活龙版译文

原文:中国的士大夫与民本思想

译文:Scholar-officials and people-based thought in China

原文:翻开历史我们会看到,中国历史上充满了残酷的压迫、剥削、残杀,但是欧洲也一样。我们没有公民概念,但是有所谓民本思想。人民生活的保障,不是通过伸张权利,而是通过例如官员和士人为民请命诸如此类。

译文:In examining history, we can see that China has a past full of cruel oppressions, exploitations and killings, just as Europe does. In ancient China, there was no such concept as “citizenship”, just min ben si xiang (“people-based thought”). The life of the people was safeguarded not by their asserting the rights, but by officials and scholars pleading for it on behalf of the people.

原文:民本思想和中国独特的政治结构有关系。简短地说,这个政治结构就是,中国有士和士大夫的阶级。士不像贵族或草莽英雄,由于血统或英雄气概获得权力,他们的长处是受过教育、富有理性。他们本身不是权力的来源,而只是皇帝的办事员。士大夫之所以要服从于皇帝,是因为需要皇帝的权力,皇帝赋予他权力才能保证民本的实现。所以,他们劝谏皇帝,上疏、进谏,有时候是不要命的。在很大程度上,民本思想是因士大夫阶层的存在而存在的。而西方更多的是通过每一个公民自己以及公民社会进行权利上的斗争来保障自己的利益。虽然今天的中国跟传统上的中国相比已经面目全非了,但这一特点仍然依稀可见,在中国人的政治心理上仍然相当明显。

译文:The people-based thought was closely related to China’s unique political structure, which, if put simply, was unique in the sense that it had a class of scholars and scholar-officials. Unlike the nobility who inherited power or rebels who gained it by heroic valor, they distinguished themselves by their good education and sound senses. They themselves were not the source of power, but only executed orders from the Emperor. Their obedience to the Emperor was out of their need for imperial aegis to achieve the goals of the people-based thought. They admonished or submitted memorials to the Emperor, sometimes risking their necks. The existence of the people-based thought was largely attributable to that of scholar-officials as a class. In contrast, the interests of the people in the West was protected more by the fight for rights by individual citizens severally and civil society as a whole. Today, the people-based thought features prominently in the political mindset of the Chinese people, though China is no longer the same as it was in the old days.

原文:无论从社会身份上说,还是从思想内容上说,中国的士人都不大像西方的自由知识分子。他们在学问上、知识上,首先有的是政治关怀。他们的研究、思考方式始终都是高度的政治化、社会化或者伦理化的。对于中国读书人来说,很难设想他会去从事纯粹智性的追求,而和政治伦理无关。任何知识上的追求都是要跟“齐家、治国、平天下”连在一起,否则大家会觉得他太古怪,几乎要把他当成一个异类。

译文:The social roles and thoughts of the scholars in ancient China made them in every possible way different from the liberal intellectuals in the West. The Chinese scholars gave priority to political concerns over other considerations in their learning and knowledge. The ways in which they pursued intellectual aims and were engaged in thinking were highly political, social and ethical. It is thus very difficult to imagine a Chinese scholar who was only interested in purely intellectual pursuits that were not relevant to political ethics. For them, all the pursuits were linked with regulating the family (qi jia), managing the local region (zhi guo), or governing the country in a fair and orderly way (ping tian xia). If not, they would seem very strange and even alien.

第二部分:活龙版译文说明

翻译人员只做把外文翻译成母语语文的工作,这是“国际惯例“。我也向来觉得英语还是外语水平的中国人搞中翻英属于玩票,因为他很难像母语人士那样纯熟地运用英语,只能尽量模仿,相像到什么程度,那就只能听天由命了,基本无法达到标准英语书面语应有的水平。因此,除非对语言质量要求不高,否则不应该由并不精通英语的中国人来做中翻英。

但理想遇到骨感的现实总是有苦难言。翻译市场上就有这种对语言质量要求不高的英文译文需求,而且众多学英语的人都跃跃欲试,想一展中译英的身手。这件事情不是不能做,但要明白一点:这是业余选手捞过界的表演性玩票,这么翻译出来的东西”根本就不是英语“,而不是什么”英语不太地道“

当然,中国人做中文到英文的翻译已经成为一项产业,它的存在自有它的道理。但我认为这就好比医疗,对于疾病是否治愈,医生在临床上有一套标准,达到这个标准即为”治愈“。但换一种标准就难说是”治愈“了。以阑尾炎为例,现在只要治疗及时,它不是什么致命的疾病,只要手术切除发炎的阑尾即可,最快一个星期不到就可以出院回家。真的”治愈“了吗?想一想阑尾哪里去了?肚皮上”毁容“的刀口是怎么回事?我只能说,中国翻译市场上对出自中国人手笔和口里的中译英的语言质量要求是很低很低的,只要好一点市场上的客户就很”满意“了。

今天在微博上读到今年北京语言大学举办的翻译比赛的中译英一等奖译文,惊诧于原文拖沓、不严谨(不再另行考据,因为主题内容实在不是我这个外行一天两天能研究明白的)和译文浓浓的中文味和异国情调。对于我来说,好的中译英译文就是别让我看出它是二等、三等乃至等外货色的那种英文质量。而这很难,因为我平时只阅读优秀英语母语作家的英文原版著作和作品,只要稍微有异样,我就能一眼认出。就好比我分辨东北人东北口音的能力——只需要一两个”音“或者一两个用词和发音即可,我甚至能知道他的老家大致在东北哪里。

不管怎么样,我也不怕出丑,动笔做了一遍翻译,贴出来供大家拍砖。

第三部分:对一等奖原文与译文的说明

原文:中国的士大夫与民本思想

译文:Chinese Scholar-officials and Populist Ideas

说明:Populism 与孟子提出的“民本思想”没有太大的交集。Populism 指:

  • 一种政治理念,中文译为“平民主义”或者“民粹主义”,特指 1892 年在美国成立的一个政党,它宣称代表人民整体,主要政策包括国家控制铁路、限制私人拥有土地、自由铸造银币;
  • 还指 20 世纪二三十年代法国兴起的一个小说作家团体,他们重视观察普通人,同情普通人;
  • 作为普通政治词汇,它指试图代表或者诉诸于普通人的意见。

这一政治理念只是“看起来很美”,善良的人千万不要被蒙蔽。它貌似跟孟子的“民本”差不多,但事实并非如此。这一理念的前提是“普通人在任何情况下都是对的”,“只要普通人高兴就行”。因此,这是很个大的政治范畴,秉持这一理念的政党和个人可以做出从好事到坏事的任何事情。

从不好的方面来说:

  • 红色革命时代的俄罗斯,民粹主义者为了自己的理想可以搞恐怖活动;
  • 南美洲的民粹主义领导人“贿赂”人民,“有钱就吃光喝光”,只考虑眼前,不解决问题,不考虑国家未来,没有长远的发展战略(阿根廷、委内瑞拉等南美多个国家曾有机会跻身发达国家行列,但都错失良机);
  • 台湾岛上也徘徊着民粹幽灵,在经济发展和生活质量方面不知不觉地已经亚洲其他“小龙”甩在后面;
  • 泰国的民粹们,对政府稍有不满就要求上街游行,围攻政府,制造社会混乱,视宪法和法律为无物。

这些“迎合”普通民众的民粹做法对广大民众未必是好事,而“以民为本”的精髓是在当前生活和未来发展之间找到最好的平衡点,而不能过分偏向某一边,从而在根本上维护广大人民的利益

原文:翻开历史我们会看到,中国历史上充满了残酷的压迫、剥削、残杀,但是欧洲也一样。我们没有公民概念,但是有所谓民本思想。人民生活的保障,不是通过伸张权利,而是通过例如官员和士人为民请命诸如此类。

说明:

“残酷”的压迫和剥削没有问题,但再“残杀”前后就两个“残”,语意就重复了。经过仔细编辑的政论文本不会出现这种情况。最后一句,正常的书面语应该是“人民生活的保障,不是通过伸张权利,而是通过官员和士人为民请命等做法实现的”。原博主贴出的原文有可能引用有误(录入错误),问题不能算在原作者的头上。但网上也可搜到《陈嘉映:东西文化思想源流之差异:回顾与反省》(这次翻译比赛的原文就出自这篇长文),很明显此文是采访录音的转写,并非标准的书面语。翻译比赛拿这样的东西做原文,实属欠考虑。

译文:A glimpse of Chinese history offers, like that of Western history, a daunting array of poignant persecution, demeaning exploitation and brutal killings. Unlike the Western world, we have no concept of citizenship. Instead, we hold populist ideas. The improvement of people’s life stems not from legal justice, but from pleading by scholar-officials and officials to top-rank officials or emperors on behalf of the general public.

说明:

1. 这里用 glimpse 会有一个逻辑问题,“简单一看”就能看到这么多内容,谁能做到?即使像韩寒那样努力挑灯夜读《二十四史》,几个晚上“简单一看”也看不出哪里“充满”了。当然,也可以像韩寒那样,说“看是看过,现在不记得了”或者“看没看其实也记不清了”这种话。

2. poignant、demeaning 这两个词用的真有点让人觉得不明觉厉,我没见过,也想象不到这两个词可以这样跟后面的词搭配。

  • Poignant 是“对情感和感觉造成痛苦”,压迫确实也能造成这种痛苦,但远不止此。
  • Demeaning 是让人“有失身份”,剥削如何有失身份了呢?

3. legal justice:如果伸张权利通过“法律正义”来实现,还要欧洲一场接一场的革命干什么?原文哪里说“法律正义”了?

4. 译文“无中生有”的地方较多,横生枝节,又无法自圆其说,这个是译文方向性的问题。

5. 时态问题:原文讲的是中国古代的情况,理应用过去时描述。

原文:民本思想和中国独特的政治结构有关系。简短地说,这个政治结构就是,中国有士和士大夫的阶级。士不像贵族或草莽英雄,由于血统或英雄气概获得权力,他们的长处是受过教育、富有理性。他们本身不是权力的来源,而只是皇帝的办事员。士大夫之所以要服从于皇帝,是因为需要皇帝的权力,皇帝赋予他权力才能保证民本的实现。所以,他们劝谏皇帝,上疏、进谏,有时候是不要命的。在很大程度上,民本思想是因士大夫阶层的存在而存在的。而西方更多的是通过每一个公民自己以及公民社会进行权利上的斗争来保障自己的利益。虽然今天的中国跟传统上的中国相比已经面目全非了,但这一特点仍然依稀可见,在中国人的政治心理上仍然相当明显。

说明:

“这一特点”指代不明。上一句说的是西方的公民和公民社会通过斗争保障自己的权利,显然指的不是这个。那么就接着往前找:

  • 民本思想的存在是因为士大夫阶层存在;
  • 士大夫劝诫皇帝;
  • 士大夫需要皇帝的支持;
  • 士大夫本人没有权力,只是为皇帝办事;
  • 士大夫受教育良好,思考理性;
  • 中国有民本思想是因为中国政治体制里面有士大夫。

这一段都看完了,也没看出“这一特点”到底是什么特点,只好找回到本篇的标题“中国的士大夫与民本思想”,可还是感觉“不大像”。另外,一个东西既“依稀可见”(看不太清楚)又“相当明显”,那它到底能不能看清?本段结尾处的结论表述如此不清,再加上词意前后矛盾,可见本段内容没有经过仔细的复核与编辑,这样的文字拿来做翻译比赛的原文,真是匪夷所思。

在这里我只能猜测,原文作者绕了这么一个弯,结果把自己给绕丢了,只是他没有胆说出来而已。他想说的也许就是:在当代中国的政治体制下,人民的权利还是“皇帝”施舍的,得不到有效保障,人民没机会、没能力、没胆量发声,仍然要靠明君、青天大老爷、拦轿喊冤的办法维护自己的权利,而不是按现代文明社会(其实就是西方社会)的民主自由、法律法规、公平正义办事。

译文:Populist ideas are related to the distinctive political fiber of China which, if put briefly, is characterized by the stratum of scholar-officials. Unlike greenwood outlaws and the noble clan, who gain power by blood or by heroic spirit, scholar-officials are cultivated and sensible in human dealings. They are no source of power, but run errands for Emperors with utter obedience, which arises from the need for royal authority to materialize populist ideas. Scholar-officials resort to persuasion and suggestion, sometimes even at the risk of their own lives. To a large extent, populist ideas exist due to scholar-officials. Westerners safeguard their own interests by fighting for rights as an individual or a civil society. Though China’s present differs vastly from its past, the association of scholar-officials with populist ideas remains a salient feature in the political psyche of Chinese people.

说明:

1. greenwood outlaws:原文说的“草莽英雄”可不是一般的英雄,而是获得了权力的英雄,即远如刘邦近如宋江等先“落草为寇”后“坐龙庭”或成为“朝廷命官”的一干人,远不是罗宾汉或者佐罗那种西方传说中的平民侠客。其实,greenwood outlaws 跟金庸笔下的侠客才是一类人。把“绿林好汉”翻译成“greenwood outlaws”后,读者就不知道其实中国的 greenwood outlaws 后来是飞黄腾达了的。

2. human dealings:human 这个词用得比较奇怪,难道全篇哪里谈到“非人类”“动物界”、“神界”的问题了吗?Human 用词又是一个横生枝节又不能自圆其说的例子。在这个哲学世界里,有“公民社会”就有“主子与奴才社会”,没有“丑”就无所谓“美”,一切概念都在相对、相互有关系的网络里才有意义。一个词的含义和多义词含义的确定都是通过放在相互关联的网络里才能实现的。比如,“民”这个字就至少有与政府和官办对应的“民”、与军人、军事对应的“民”两个含义。翻译成英语时,就必须要搞清“民”到底与哪个对应:民防(civil defense)、民间交流(如果是相对于政府的)(non-government exchanges)、民间交流(如果是相对于军队的)(non-military exchanges)、民政(civil affairs)、民用设施(军事打击目标)(civilian facilities)、民办学校(privately run schools)、民间资本(private capital)。不管是口译还是笔译,对词汇的认识和使用都要达到这种“锱铢必较”的细致程度工作才有意义。想蒙混过关、糊弄人、欺负读者和听众不懂原文是行不通的。

原文:无论从社会身份上说,还是从思想内容上说,中国的士人都不大像西方的自由知识分子。他们在学问上、知识上,首先有的是政治关怀。他们的研究、思考方式始终都是高度的政治化、社会化或者伦理化的。对于中国读书人来说,很难设想他会去从事纯粹智性的追求,而和政治伦理无关。任何知识上的追求都是要跟“齐家、治国、平天下”连在一起,否则大家会觉得他太古怪,几乎要把他当成一个异类。

说明:

1. “不大像”:“不大像”就是“只有一点点像”,但原文根本没说哪里像,而且想说的其实是“十分不像”,甚至是“不大如”、“大不如”。

2. 这段话,字句我都能看懂,但意思实在看不懂。难道西方的自由知识分子在研究学问的时候就“不大有”“政治关怀”吗?“不大”考虑社会和伦理吗?有和没有,考虑和不考虑的到底是什么,有什么不同?难道西方知识分子,不管是豢养的还是自由的,都不多少考虑一点“齐家、治国、平天下”的事情吗?实在不解。

译文:Socially or ideologically, scholar-officials in China bear little resemblance to liberal intellectuals in the West. Political concern permeates their pursuit of knowledge. The political, social and ethical tint in their research or thinking is marked. It’s hard for an intellect in China to pursue purely intellectual knowledge. Any knowledge should be pursued in connection to the management of a family and the government of a country, and the failure to do so will be deemed weird and unacceptable.

说明:

Ideological:原文说的是“思想内容”(ideas、thoughts、thinking),不是范畴缩小后变成的“意识形态”(ideological)。

《牛津英语大词典》(简编本)解释如下:

Ideology: A system of ideas or way of thinking pertaining to a class or individual, esp. as a basis of some economic or political theory or system, regarded as justifying actions and esp. to be maintained irrespective of events. Freq. with specifying word. E20.

Koestler Transformed the founders’ once fluid ideas into rigid ideologies.

E. P. Thompson The working-class ideology…put an exceptionally high value upon…personal liberty.

第四部分:北语翻译赛中译英笔译一等奖原文与译文

中国的士大夫与民本思想

Chinese Scholar-officials and Populist Ideas

翻开历史我们会看到,中国历史上充满了残酷的压迫、剥削、残杀,但是欧洲也一样。我们没有公民概念,但是有所谓民本思想。人民生活的保障,不是通过伸张权利,而是通过例如官员和士人为民请命诸如此类。

A glimpse of Chinese history offers, like that of Western history, a daunting array of poignant persecution, demeaning exploitation and brutal killings. Unlike the Western world, we have no concept of citizenship. Instead, we hold populist ideas. The improvement of people’s life stems not from legal justice, but from pleading by scholar-officials and officials to top-rank officials or emperors on behalf of the general public.

民本思想和中国独特的政治结构有关系。简短地说,这个政治结构就是,中国有士和士大夫的阶级。士不像贵族或草莽英雄,由于血统或英雄气概获得权力,他们的长处是受过教育、富有理性。他们本身不是权力的来源,而只是皇帝的办事员。士大夫之所以要服从于皇帝,是因为需要皇帝的权力,皇帝赋予他权力才能保证民本的实现。所以,他们劝谏皇帝,上疏、进谏,有时候是不要命的。在很大程度上,民本思想是因士大夫阶层的存在而存在的。而西方更多的是通过每一个公民自己以及公民社会进行权利上的斗争来保障自己的利益。虽然今天的中国跟传统上的中国相比已经面目全非了,但这一特点仍然依稀可见,在中国人的政治心理上仍然相当明显。

Populist ideas are related to the distinctive political fiber of China which, if put briefly, is characterized by the stratum of scholar-officials. Unlike greenwood outlaws and the noble clan, who gain power by blood or by heroic spirit, scholar-officials are cultivated and sensible in human dealings. They are no source of power, but run errands for Emperors with utter obedience, which arises from the need for royal authority to materialize populist ideas. Scholar-officials resort to persuasion and suggestion, sometimes even at the risk of their own lives. To a large extent, populist ideas exist due to scholar-officials. Westerners safeguard their own interests by fighting for rights as an individual or a civil society. Though China’s present differs vastly from its past, the association of scholar-officials with populist ideas remains a salient feature in the political psyche of Chinese people.

无论从社会身份上说,还是从思想内容上说,中国的士人都不大像西方的自由知识分子。他们在学问上、知识上,首先有的是政治关怀。他们的研究、思考方式始终都是高度的政治化、社会化或者伦理化的。对于中国读书人来说,很难设想他会去从事纯粹智性的追求,而和政治伦理无关。任何知识上的追求都是要跟“齐家、治国、平天下”连在一起,否则大家会觉得他太古怪,几乎要把他当成一个异类。

Socially or ideologically, scholar-officials in China bear little resemblance to liberal intellectuals in the West. Political concern permeates their pursuit of knowledge. The political, social and ethical tint in their research or thinking is marked. It’s hard for an intellect in China to pursue purely intellectual knowledge. Any knowledge should be pursued in connection to the management of a family and the government of a country, and the failure to do so will be deemed weird and unacceptable.

9 thoughts on “译文示例:北语翻译赛汉译英 “中国的士大夫与民本思想”

  1. 从features prominently in the mindset of, no such concept as “citizenship,” (较之no concept of)sound senses, mere agents of imperial power, local region, severally…and…society as a whole, even uncivilized and alien等,可看出是一位功夫过硬的资深汉英笔译实践家。

    1. 已经改成了“but only executed orders from the Emperor”。修改原因:还是转达原文的意思比较好。意译是原则,即“原文有的不要删,原文没有的不要增加”,但这些跟译文通顺与否无关。

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  4. 按:自己太水,只能打打酱油,看了一等奖译文后知道了差距,还是贴出来学习一下。A是一等奖的译文,B是我的译文。中国的士大夫与民本思想A:Chinese Scholar-officials and Populist IdeasB:Scholar-Gentry and Humanism in China 翻开历史我们会看到,中国历史上充满了残酷的压迫、剥削、残杀,但是欧洲也一样。我们没有公民概念,但是有所谓民本思想。人民生活的保障,不是通过伸张权利,而是通过例如官员和士人为民请命诸如此类。A:A glimpse of Chinese history offers, like that of Western history, a daunting array of poignant persecution, demeaning exploitation and brutal killings. Unlike the Western world, we have no concept of citizenship. Instead, we hold populist ideas. The improvement of people’s life stems not from legal justice, but from pleading by scholar-officials and officials to top-rank officials or emperors on behalf of the general public.B:History unfolds before our eyes a tableau of cold-blooded massacre, oppression and exploitation in ancient China, and so it is also with Europe. While the concept of “citizenship” is alien to the Chinese mind, humanism does have its presence as an idea. The daily bread is promised to us not through the scales of justice but through the mandarins and the Confucian scholar-gentry who would fain plead for the man in the street.民本思想和中国独特的政治结构有关系。简短地说,这个政治结构就是,中国有士和士大夫的阶级。士不像贵族或草莽英雄,由于血统或英雄气概获得权力,他们的长处是受过教育、富有理性。他们本身不是权力的来源,而只是皇帝的办事员。士大夫之所以要服从于皇帝,是因为需要皇帝的权力,皇帝赋予他权力才能保证民本的实现。所以,他们劝谏皇帝,上疏、进谏,有时候是不要命的。在很大程度上,民本思想是因士大夫阶层的存在而存在的。而西方更多的是通过每一个公民自己以及公民社会进行权利上的斗争来保障自己的利益。虽然今天的中国跟传统上的中国相比已经面目全非了,但这一特点仍然依稀可见,在中国人的政治心理上仍然相当明显。A:Populist ideas are related to the distinctive political fiber of China which, if put briefly, is characterized by the stratum of scholar-officials. Unlike greenwood outlaws and the noble clan, who gain power by blood or by heroic spirit, scholar-officials are cultivated and sensible in human dealings. They are no source of power, but run errands for Emperors with utter obedience, which arises from the need for royal authority to materialize populist ideas. Scholar-officials resort to persuasion and suggestion, sometimes even at the risk of their own lives. To a large extent, populist ideas exist due to scholar-officials. Westerners safeguard their own interests by fighting for rights as an individual or a civil society. Though China’s present differs vastly from its past, the association of scholar-officials with populist ideas remains a salient feature in the political psyche of Chinese people.B:Humanism is bound up with a political system peculiar to China, to put it briefly, i.e, the Confucian scholar-gentry class. A far cry from the nobility and outlaws of the Robin Hood type who gained power because of royal blood or heroic valour, these scholars were better equipped with a good education and a reasonable mind. They were outside the corridors of power as such, and rendered merely civil service for the the emperor,which sprung from the very need for power to make humanism possible, for it could not be done otherwise; hence their boldness to remonstrate with the crown, even at the expense of their life sometimes. Humanism of such a kind, to a large extent, owes its existence to this particular class, whereas in contrast, every citizen and community defend their own rights and interests in the West. Although today’s China has changed beyond recognition compared to its traditional past, this trait is still obvious in its influence on the political fabric of the Chinese.无论从社会身份上说,还是从思想内容上说,中国的士人都不大像西方的自由知识分子。他们在学问上、知识上,首先有的是政治关怀。他们的研究、思考方式始终都是高度的政治化、社会化或者伦理化的。对于中国读书人来说,很难设想他会去从事纯粹智性的追求,而和政治伦理无关。任何知识上的追求都是要跟“齐家、治国、平天下”连在一起,否则大家会觉得他太古怪,几乎要把他当成一个异类。A:Socially or ideologically, scholar-officials in China bear little resemblance to liberal intellectuals in the West. Political concern permeates their pursuit of knowledge. The political, social and ethical tint in their research or thinking is marked. It’s hard for an intellect in China to pursue purely intellectual knowledge. Any knowledge should be pursued in connection to the management of a family and the government of a country, and the failure to do so will be deemed weird and unacceptable.B: Socially and ideologically speaking, the Chinese scholar-gentry were poles apart from their western counterparts in that political concern was of the uttermost importance during their scholarly pursuit as well as academic endeavors, which resulted in their highly politicized, socialized and moralistic approaches and way of thinking. A purely intellectual pursuit that had nothing to do with political ethics would be the last thing on the mind of a Chinese scholar; and any quest for scholarship of him should necessarily go hand in hand with the Confucian ideal of “self-cultivation, family harmony, state management and world peace”, or he would be dismissed by his fellow scholars as a queer fish.

    1. 哇塞,你整的挺像。就是句子有点长,词也长,有些地方意思不对。能看出你看了不少书,也记住了不少。你再多读些书一定能更好。现在就比一等奖的强。你要是把意思都翻对了,一定就是一等奖。我就说,堂堂全国赛事怎么搞出那样的一等奖。肯定还有比你强的,哈哈。不管怎么样你比我当年强多了。

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