A Chinese social media’s joke about the world – Can you get it?

Chinese Original by 丧心病狂刘老湿

English Translation by ChangGuohua.com

A black bear escaped out of a zoo and snouted 30 fully armed Italian guards onto the ground before making its way onto a street, where it was thrown to the ground and smacked by a drunken Russian. The screeching black bear then ran away into a ladies’ washroom and greatly frightened the people inside: Some Japanese men jumped up and down in fright, a Thai forgot to pull up her skirt and took flight, with her dick dangling, and at the sight of this several Blacks nearby sneered.

The Chinese demanded to hold a meeting to figure out how the bear could be got out. But, the bear had broken the door’s pivots beyond repair and no one could get in. A smugly smiling German dug out an oilpaper package nearby in which spare parts and a live Bavarian engineer buried 50 years ago were found. The British thought it a good idea to cook a dinner to reward everyone for their great work. After the meal, everyone vomited, except the Dutch people who had smoked more than enough Colombian marijuana found nothing wrong with the British food.

Americans decided that these people were all useless and wanted to call for an aircraft carrier to bomb out the washroom. Europeans strongly objected, saying that it was too cruel a thing to do. The Mongolian Navy rode horses to come to rescue and was robbed on its way by Somali pirates. In great chaos, some Australian sheep sneaked into the washroom. A crowd of Big Beards followed immediately like crazy. Before everyone could figure out what was happening, Shiites and Sunnites broke into a fierce argument about who were the first to do it. After a shouting of Allahu akbar, the washroom and the bear both disappeared.

Hong Kong reporters broke the news which the Taiwanese audience firmly believed was a conspiracy by evil Commies across the Stait. The French people hired 20 Greeks to clean up the mess and were greatly impressed by and thankful for their high efficiency. Poles were annoyed that the event had not happen in Russia. Eventually, to the great amazement of everyone, a shaking bear’s paw poked out of the pile of debris: After such a huge Allahu akbar blast the bear was still alive!

South Koreans quickly announced that the bear had Korean ancestry while North Koreans claimed that the bear was an incarnation of their great Fat leader. Several Saudi rich men wanted to buy the bear as a pet while Canadians demanded to set it free. The leaders of World Religions gathered together to pray for the health and well-being of the bear and were full of praise about cow hells stewed with pig blood they ate as lunch. When no one could convince the other, an Indian zipped open the bear and a village of people got out in a procession one by one. It turned out that they had gang-raped a Swedish feminist and disguising as a bear hidden away in the zoo so that they could flee from legal punishment. Just as everyone started to find the whole thing boring, a bomb dropped and nuked out everything.

The next day, the US Department of Defense apologized that a pilot flying a carrier-based jet used an outdated map and it was a mistake.

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Chinese Original by 丧心病狂刘老湿

作者:丧心病狂刘老湿
链接:https://www.zhihu.com/question/55319800/answer/148965382
来源:知乎
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动物园里跑出来一头黑熊,一路拱翻了三十个全副武装的意大利保安逃到了大街上,被一个醉醺醺的俄罗斯人按在地上痛打了一顿。黑熊惨叫着逃进了女厕,吓得藏在里面的日本人上蹿下跳,一个泰国人连裙子都忘了穿,晃着丁丁夺路而逃,几个黑人见状在旁边发出不屑的嗤笑。

中国人要求开会研究一下怎么把熊搞出来,但是黑熊把门轴撞断了大家谁也进不去,德国人微笑着从旁边挖出了一个油纸包,里面包着五十年前埋到地下的备用件和一个巴伐利亚工程师。英国人觉得需要犒劳一下大家给众人做了一顿晚饭,吃过之后大家都吐了,只有抽多了哥伦比亚大麻的荷兰人安然无恙。

美国人觉得这些人都是废物,决定呼叫航母炸平这个厕所,欧洲人坚决反对,认为这过于残忍。 蒙古海军骑着马赶来支援,却在半道被索马里海盗打劫。混乱中澳洲人的羊不小心溜了进去,顿时一群大胡子也疯了一样的跟着跑进了厕所,还没等大家反应过来,什叶派和逊尼派就在里面为了先后顺序问题吵了起来,一声阿拉胡阿克巴过后,厕所和熊都消失了。

香港记者抢在第一时间发出了新闻,台湾人看到新闻之后坚信一切都是老共的阴谋,法国人雇了二十个希腊人清理废墟,并被他们的高效所感动,波兰人为这事没发生在俄罗斯而懊恼不已。结果一只熊掌颤颤巍巍的从废墟里探了出来,这下大家都惊呆了:如此阿克巴规模的爆炸中这只熊竟然还活着!

韩国人迅速宣称这头熊有韩国血统,朝鲜人则坚称这头熊是伟大领袖鑫胖的身外化身。几个沙特土豪想把熊买回去做宠物,而加拿大人坚持要将其放生。世界各大宗教领袖齐聚一堂为这头熊的健康与幸福祈福,并在午餐时间对猪血煮牛筋这道菜赞不绝口。正当大家争执不下的时候,一个印度人拉开拉链从熊里面钻了出来,紧跟着一个村子的人从里面鱼贯而出,原来他们轮奸了瑞典女权主义者以后为了逃避法律的制裁化妆成熊躲进了动物园里。大家顿时感到索然无味,就在这时,一枚炸弹从天而降,核平了这一切。

第二天美国国防部表示:航母的舰载机飞行员使用了过期的地图,这是一次误炸。

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